When I grow up, I want to be Beth Moore

Ever feel like everything in life finally comes down to just this one thing?  I have an amazing opportunity coming up that feels that way for me.  I get to spend three days this summer talking at youth camp to a room just full of girls and I'm just absolutely pumped about it.  Its one of those things that seemed to come from nowhere and yet the timing seems perfect for me.

You see, had I had the opportunity to do this in high school or even three years ago when I graduated college, I would have had all the answers.  I would have known every single word to say, every word I should say, every piece of advice I have ever given to any girl would have been right there ready for me to spout off.  And it would have been true.  And it would have probably sounded alright.

And it would have been completely and utterly fake.

Credit it to growing up with wonderful parents who made sure I was loved and that I knew it.  Or to the fact that I am naturally very small in a culture that values starving yourself to look a certain way.  Or to the fact that I've lead a relatively easy life.  Heck, credit it to whatever you want, but for much of my life, I've not struggled with many of the things that many other women do.  I'd never tried to change anything about myself.  Never dyed my hair for any reason other than for pure fun.  Never tried to fit into any fashion trend.  Never tried to be someone I wasn't.

And then, that all changed.  Something within me broke.  The reasons behind it are complicated.  God asked me to follow Him and following meant taking a leap of faith which ended up feeling like I was hurtling from a plane with no parachute.  All my best friends in the world moved all across the country.  And some out of the country.  And then my heart was broken.  Twice.  And again when one dream seemed to fall apart.  And again when I felt abandoned by those who had promised to be there.  And again when yet another friend died.  I became discouraged as person after person told me I was "stuck." (Can you really be stuck when God has asked you to stay?  Just a thought.)  I fought with God because my dreams didn't line up with his.

All this made me question so many things.  Suddenly it mattered very much to me what I wore and how my hair looked.  It began to matter whether I was pretty or not.  I wanted to fit in, to be noticed, to matter.  I became scared, hurt, lonely.  I learned what shame was, and realized  you didn't have to necessarily have to do anything terrible to feel it.  You just had to believe that you were worth being scorned.  

Yet here I am, months out from that time and able to look back and realize just how much I've learned.  I would never, ever choose to go through that again, but I think that, given the choice, I would never take that time away from myself either.

You see, God gives incredible grace, and yet, without feeling just how unworthy of it you are, can you truly appreciate the gift? He has given us freedom, but do we understand it without captivity?  He has given wisdom, but without experience, doesn't it just seem trite to those listening?  And if all our dreams were given to us immediately, wouldn't we be ungrateful?

So as I get ready to speak to these young women, I can stand up there and speak researched, Biblical truth, but I can say it with the experience of one who has felt a little something of the pain that I know those girls as a group, and individuals, have felt.  Just the smallest portion in some, probably most, cases, but maybe that will be enough.

I've been giving it a lot of thought but I've begun to narrow down my topics.  Here is where I'd like your help. If anyone out there knows of resources of any kind to fit the following topics, let me know what they are so I can begin my research.  And I'm looking for any kind of resource.  Book, movie, specific Bible passages, Church fathers, personal advice or anecdotes, pop culture (I'm gonna try my darndest to throw at least one Hunger Games reference in there).  Anything and everything helps. Here are the (very generalized) topics I have so far; inner vs outer beauty or anything that can tie into this. God's love for his people. Courage (especially anything relating to Esther and her statement "If I die, I die.")  Relationships (specifically the value of loyalty and female friendships. I would like to focus mostly on the girls' friendships with each other, but let's face it, teenage girls want to talk boys so there will probably be some of that.  Guys out there, any advice you have on that subject would be handy as well.)  I have some more specific ideas myself, but I kinda want to see where this will take me.  Thanks everyone!