Justice

When I was a kid, my mom once told me that I had one of the biggest senses of justice that she had ever seen. I didn't care if things made sense, but they had to be fair. I'm not sure why I remember that conversation, because I'm pretty sure I was pretty young, but I do. Maybe it is because to this day, it's been one of the truest things anyone has said about me and my personality. Lots of people have tried to figure me out, it's like a game they play, the "Let's figure out Chelsea Game." Apparently its a difficult game, or so I've been told. But that doesn't stop people from telling me things about my personality. Most times I smile and say something unimportant while thinking, "If only you knew..."

But this one statement, this one analysis of my personality, I never questioned. Because I know it's true. Things are supposed to be the way that they are supposed to be. But they're not. And that bothers me.

But I don't know how they are supposed to be.

I don't know the way that the world should be, but this is not the way. I don't know why people die, but they aren't supposed to. I don't know why children go hungry while I pick at my cafeteria food and grumble about how it tastes, but I do know it shouldn't be like that. I know that Christians should love each other and care for their enemies, but things aren't going the way they were intended to go. I can't understand the purpose for the uneasiness that I feel every time one of my friends gets themselves into a situation that, as far as I can see, will only end in heartache, but I do understand that love shouldn't be something to be feared.

All this bothers me. I hate it. Because it's not fair.

But I find hope in one thing. Christ, my Savior, he thought things shouldn't be the way they were either. He condemned those who were exploiting the weak. He fed the hungry. He healed the sick and he sought the lost. He gave us a new way to live, a new standard to aspire to and he gives us the strength to make things the way they should be. He gives us comfort for those times that we think things can't get worse and peace when our hearts are troubled. And in the end, he will make everything right.

Because that's the way things are supposed to be.

Honesty

I'm not doing homework right now. I should be. I have to preach in class in less than two weeks and I have lots to do between now and then. I just feel very little motivation.

I don't mind preaching. In fact, the couple of times I've done it, I've enjoyed it actually. Having the reason to dig that deeply into scripture is just neat. I should do it more often, just for fun, but frankly I don't have the time. Having said that, the idea of preaching in class, with people grading me, judging me, well, it freaks me out. Especially after being totally intimidated in class today. The second guy who spoke did so with such eloquence, such honesty. It was refreshing. He deftly used his own story and compared it to Scripture to make his point and he did it ingeniously. It was neither too intelligent and lofty, nor too personal and shallow. I understand that I should not compare myself, but I was blown away. I noticed before he got up that he was holding his papers in his hand and they were shaking. I guess even the most talented and respected among us get nervous at the prospect of honesty in front of their peers.

Religion Majors are the weirdest people I know

It's true. After a whole 48 hours in close quarters with 45 of my fellow classmates, I have come to this conclusion. They're weird. Or maybe it's just boys. The girls are normal. At least, that's how I see it. It's not a bad thing, I guess. The boys are funny and they need someone to laugh at them. That's where we girls come in. We laugh at their ridiculous jokes. I mean, someone had to think "Jesus loves the chosen children" was funny, right? Or a spontaneous "Row, row, row your boat" round. Come on, we all have to agree that's funny. Or maybe we all just lost our minds after 22 hours on a bus and 6 hours of meetings, all in less than 48 hours. That's quite possible.

But more importantly than this more or less unnecessary observation is this: A person's character, reputation, respect, and witness can be destroyed in 48 hours. I'm serious. I lost some respect this weekend for some people. Not everyone and not all my respect, but enough. It's amazing what a couple of unsavory jokes can do. I guess Paul knew what he was talking about when he said that we teachers would be judged more strictly. I still like these people, I will still laugh with them in the future, and I will still call them my friends. But, when I think that the future of the church lies in these boys, it makes me want to pray more and makes me realize just how much we need to trust God for the future. Is that too harsh to say? I hope not.

On the other hand, my respect for some people grew by leaps and bounds. Their dignity in refusing to join in the crass joking speaks well for them. The passion that these men have for their savior is encouraging. Lives are going to be changed because they trust God to be their strength. God can, and will work through the first set of boys, because he uses unlikely people, but nothing replaces hearts totally dedicated to Him.